Nervous

Tomorrow, my band is competing at the Thomas Point Beach Bluegrass Special’s band competition. I’m trying really hard not to be nervous, but the thing is, the more I think about not being nervous, the more nervous I become. It’s like when someone tells you don’t laugh and all of a sudden everything is unbearably funny.

I’ve been trying really hard to live in the moment. This summer has been really good for learning how to do that. I can’t control what happens tomorrow, I can just show up and do my best, but I don’t know who the other bands are or how good they are or how long they’ve been playing together, or how much they’ve managed to stack the audience with their personal friends and fans. Why should I worry about those things? I can’t help it.

I’ve been mostly fine, up until today. I’ve been telling myself, “Hey, we haven’t even been together as a band for a year. I’ve only had my instrument since February. We’re lucky to have gotten into the competition. Just being there is winning.” And all those things are true. We might get a couple of gigs tomorrow regardless of whether we win or not. But the more I think about it, the more I want to win and the more nervous I get.

But I know I’ll enjoy myself regardless. After the competition is the festival and I won’t have to worry about anything then. I’ll just be able to sit back and watch the shows and listen to the music of some of my favorite groups. The weekend will be great no matter what. It’d just be better if we won.

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