With all this performing I’ve been doing there’s one comment that I’ve been hearing more than any other and it has nothing to do with the actual music. People have been telling me I need to smile more on stage. At first I thought, “okay, yeah, I get that. No one wants to watch a frowny face.” So, I made an effort to remember to smile and still people were telling me and my band mate Jenny that we need to smile more. And that’s when I came to the realization that the people saying this were middle aged men and they were only saying it to us young women in the band. My father rarely smiles on stage, because he’s too focused on playing the banjo without making mistakes, but only one person to my knowledge has told him he needs to smile more.
Having realized this, I spent much of this past weekend watching the performers on stage at the festival. Specifically I watched whether or not they were smiling. And for the most part they weren’t – at least not while they were actually playing. At first I was angry when I realized that people were telling me to smile because I’m an attractive young woman and nobody wants to see an attractive young woman creasing her brow in concentration and yet it’s perfectly fine for a man to not smile. But the issue is more subtle than that. Yes, it’s a feminist issue. Yes, it’s a double standard. But I’m deciding not to take it personally, (this after a few days of stewing in angry thoughts).
Sure, I’ll make an effort to smile more on stage – and based on pictures people have taken, I agree, watching a smiling performer is much more pleasant than watching a frowning one. But if I forget to smile – or if any young woman forgets to smile while she’s on stage – look at the men standing next to me on stage to see if they’re smiling. If they aren’t, tell them to smile too. Be fair. Don’t hold them to a different standard because they’re male and middle aged while I’m female and young.
Thank you for reading.
What a great point, and what a creepy pattern. A smile can be friendly, but it is also an expression of subordination.
Exactly. I didn’t say this in the blog, but it’s a similar phenomenon to when a woman is walking down the street and a random stranger tells her to give them a smile, which is a form of street harassment.
And yet, in both Down East Singers and Midcoast Community Chorus, the Music directors keep urging all of us singers, male and female, to smile. “Look as if you’re enjoying yourself, and it will be infectious — the audience will also enjoy themselves.” I happen to believe it’s true. OTOH, I’m not denying the pattern you’ve discovered, but I still believe it’s good advice.