Resolve

It’s the new year. I know I’m a little late coming to the game, but I thought I’d talk a little bit about resolutions. I’m not very good at making resolutions and sticking to them. At least, I’m not very good at the kind of resolutions that require making big changes. If I resolve to exercise more, I undoubtedly end up exercising less. But if I resolve to make a small change in my way of viewing the world, then marvelous things happen.

Last year, my New Year’s resolution was to find joy in my everyday life. It was an unparalleled success of a resolution. The past year has been one of the happiest years I’ve had since I was a little child. And because I resolved to find joy in my life, I opened myself up to all sorts of new opportunities. I play with a band that I love, I have a new job that keeps me challenged and excited, and I’m eager to face each day to see what little joys it may have in store for me.

This year, I resolve to put aside my fears. Well, not put them aside, necessarily, but I won’t let them dictate my course in life anymore. At my core, I’m a very fearful person. I’m afraid of doing things wrong, of saying the wrong things. I’m afraid of j-walking and of only coming to a rolling stop and stop signs. I’m afraid of being late, so I always arrive early. I’m afraid of making phone calls and getting through to the wrong person even though I know I dialed the number right. I’m afraid of my intentions being misunderstood. Some of these fears are more hampering than others. The one I struggle with the most is the fear of making mistakes. It’s the fear that keeps me from even attempting to do things.

If anyone’s read Anne Lammott’s Bird by Bird, you’ll be familiar with the phrase “shitty first drafts”. When applied to writing it means that your first draft will inevitably be bad, unless you are a super writing machine and every word you write comes out in the perfect place the first time around. The concept of the “shitty first draft” is a liberating one. It means that when I write I can let go of my fear of making mistakes. If I make a mistake in the first draft, I can always fix it in the second.

Recently, I’ve learned to carry that attitude into other aspects of my life, but it’s still a work in progress. So, this year I resolve to not let my fear of making mistakes hold be back from doing the things I want to do.

Thank you.