That’s right. I’m a dog mom now.
It’s been a long time coming, but two weeks ago today, we adopted a dog from the local shelter. His name is Eugene, and he’s a two-year-old dachshund mix, and I love him to bits.
We first visited the shelter on July 31st, and he’d just been brought in from the pound the day before, so he wasn’t available to adopt. But one look at him and I knew, deep in my bones, he was mine. But I didn’t dare hope. The shelters in the area have a pretty high turnover, and we’d just started looking. So I didn’t think it was possible that we’d find our dog on our first visit.
But little Eugene stayed in my mind, his self-assuredness. The fact he didn’t bark at us when all the dogs around him were barking their heads off and jumping at the doors to their enclosures. He stood calmly and met my gaze, and I fell instantly in love.
Even as I pursued other shelters’ websites and checked the rescue message boards, Eugene sat in the back of my mind, ever-present, like the very good boy he is.
On Saturday, August 7th, I emailed the shelter to inquire further about Eugene and a few other dogs. I waited on tenterhooks for them to respond, which they finally did a week later, saying Eugene was available to adopt. I was over-the-moon ecstatic. He wasn’t out of reach just yet. But I was anxious too. What if someone got to him first? What if he slipped through my fingers?
I tried to prepare myself for that scenario. Reminding myself that there were so many other dogs and that surely there was another one for me. It didn’t have to be Eugene. I had to be prepared for his forever home being with someone other than me.
The day after the shelter emailed, we went back out and got to spend more time with Eugene. We sat on the ground with him, gave him treats. I ran my fingers through his fur – a bit oily and smelly from being in the shelter – and I knew that I would regret not doing everything I could to adopt this dog. He was just so inquisitive and self-assured. He seemed the ideal companion for me and a good first dog for Chris.
We completed our adoption questionnaire then and there and were able to put a hold on him. I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Finally, he was one step closer to coming home.
Chris was a bit ambivalent, I know. He’d wanted to spend a bit more time looking. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to bond with Eugene, seeing as the dog had definitely been more interested in me. But I reassured him, pointing out how Eugene had been more than happy to sit in Chris’s lap and sniff his beard and take treats from him.
Representatives from the shelter came out the next day to inspect our yard, to make sure the fence was complete. That there were no gaps, no way Eugene could accidentally escape. I was so nervous leading up to the inspection. I vacuumed the house, made the beds (which I rarely do, because I’m lazy. Also there’s science that supports leaving your bed unmade), I even scrubbed the toilets even though I knew there was no way that would affect our chances. This was an outdoor inspection, after all. Still, I need somewhere for my nervous energy to go.
We passed the inspection. I spent the next day preparing Eugene’s bed and food and buying him toys, a collar, leash, food, and water bowls. The day after that, I returned to the shelter, filled out Eugene’s adoption papers, and brought him home.
I won’t say it’s been perfect. It never is bringing a dog to a new home, but having this beautiful little being with me during the days has filled in a hole in myself that’s been missing for far too long.
This is the longest I’ve ever been without a dog of my own – a year and a half since the last time I visited my parents and the dogs I’d considered mine up until now. Before that, it had been the six months between visits home; before that, only three months. From the time I was born until 2018, when I started splitting my time between the US and Australia, I’d never gone more than a month without the constant presence of at least two dogs in my life. In many ways, I feel like I understand dogs better than I understand people. I certainly get along with them better.
I didn’t realize how much stress I was experiencing by not having a dog. Or maybe it’s that I didn’t have a dog to alleviate that stress, so it’d constantly been building and building. Regardless, since bringing Eugene home two weeks ago, I’ve felt more at peace with myself.
That’s not to say that my anxiety’s gone away completely. As much as Eugene helps to calm and center me, he is not a cure for my severe anxiety disorder, but he helps. He gives my life more structure than it’s had in a long while. He helps break me out of my hyperfocus mode when I’ve been sitting at my desk for too long. He gets me out of bed at a reasonable time. He reminds me when it’s time to start prepping dinner.
I feel more like an adult than I have in a while. And I’m excited to continue bonding with him and to sign up for obedience training and to witness the relationship between Chris and Eugene blossom (contrary to Chris’s fears, Eugene is quite taken with him, though I am definitely #1. Chris says that next time, he gets to pick the dog, which is fine by me since that means he’s open to having two dogs).
This change has been much-wanted and much-need, and I’m so eternally grateful to Chris for supporting it and to myself for not self-sabotaging. I could have kept putting this off indefinitely, but then Eugene wouldn’t be mine, and I’d be stuck in the rut I’ve been in for far too long.
Thank you for reading and sharing my joy.
Leave a Reply